The One and Only

Eleven years ago tonight, my step-father passed. I remember looking at the moon the night after he died, and it was just a sliver of moon, but it was placed like a smiling mouth in the sky. It was dead straight ahead of where we were driving and I pointed it out to my Mum. It was such a beautiful sign for us. Brian had suffered a long time battling cancer, and during that time our immediate family - my sister and Mum and I tried to come to terms with it all - and the biggest help was reading "The Tibetan Book of Living & Dying". In the final hours of his life we sent him loving energy and approval and acceptance for him to go - my Mum especially so because their attachment was huge. Being with him, sitting at the foot of his bed, with my Mum and sister either side of him we all experienced the most wonderful gift, the most precious exchange of energy and love and intensity. Life and death and the process was so completely present in the room and with his last breath a huge energy came out of him, all over my Mum and into the room, it was light and heat and tangible. It touched me so deeply that all I could do was smile and send him on his way. And then the tears came. It took me several years to really get rid of that gnawing pain of grief, that hollow empty feeling that you feel in your gut and heart and throat. Today is different, the grief has gone. But I'll never forget how important he was for me and my understanding of life, his love, the good times, and for making us a family.

Just to further put things in context, the beautiful experience of passing 1st hand was repeated again when my nieces were born. I again had the privelege of being present, and all I can say is that the exact same presence of energy was in the room as the babies came out into the world as when Brian passed out of the world. I felt this physically in my own body all 3 times - like a huge welling of energy and a definite sense of being connected to that energy as well as an all consuming presence of GOD or whatever you want to call that. In my short life (ok, so I know it's not that short anymore) I can honestly say I feel like the luckiest girl on the planet to have had experiences like this.